An epiphany
Simple naivity

I lost myself
I saved my life

I never surmised
Myself, self-despised

In order to fulfill my goal
I had become what I hated
I nearly lost my soul
For the meanwhile the new self is abated
Even though it makes no sense I truly wish
To become the same boy that I was before this
I always felt the way I was becoming was amiss
The boy was always tugging at my conscience
Like a child attaining attention from its cold parents

I won't ignore him any more
This is in order to avoid becoming something I abhor
Goodbye Michael,
This is where I close the door,
I no longer need to settle a score
I found something more

Non omnis moriar

My conscience won't respond, my only correspondent
My life seems prolonged, an existence despondent
I grip onto irrelevancies to preserve an expired meaning
I slip into futility, leaving me to a tired reality, dreaming

I long for a purpose in this world
A sphere worthless, fetal and curled
Can there exist a mutual mind for the undefined?
Obscure thought, with no sign of becoming benign

I wish to become an entity in another plane
Repeating chores for validity seems insane
Spinning the wheel of life, to admire how far you've come
Expanding your fief, despite the world being a zero sum

I implore you to save me from this world of grey
I desperately try to find a reason, but it is nearing the day
Where I no longer have the will, to impose my stay
Such an appeasing thought, I continue to fray

Time flows on, as if to convey
It doesn't matter, either way

My conscience keeps spiraling inward
I can't save myself from this darkness
I can't resist the temptations forever
Please anyone save my soul
I can't feel anything but a hole
I feel like I'm going out of control
Something inside me I cannot withhold
Rearing its head as if to say "No more old"
It just needs a release, an escape
I fear it can't be coaxed away from its fate
The walls close around me I have no choice
I want to scream but I have no voice
I cannot cry I cannot die
I let out an ambiguous sigh

Michael won't you sleep?
To allow your conscience a moment to weep?
No of course not, that would be admitting defeat.
Delusions of grandeur control you, a fleeting feat

Won't you open your heart for us?
Don't you have something to discuss?
I thought I was someone you could trust
I saw your heart sink into the ocean
You didn't even make a commotion

Could this be the tides of a hard lesson?
The knowledge that your contrived pain would never lessen?
I know you believe the solution is solitude
But you must realize that answer is crude
Yes, even though for the meantime you can only brood
In the depths of your mind you do require the same food

I need it to live

The moments come one by one
The times when I become the polar of Eros
Unavoidable like the death of the Pharaohs
I force myself to slow, in order to soak up the upcoming show

It's an unshakable insatiable lust, one which renders me incapable of trust
I fear and fawn over the inevitable inability to control myself, even though I must
A hunger so severe I cannot tell how far my carnal consumption will go
A fraudulent, vacillating reality, phasing in and out, to and fro

Every time I try to become a person
My cruel condition seems to worsen
An impossible, crushing burden

I stare into my lifeless eyes
I search for the answer
To why everyone dies
But they are filled with lies
Each being an Iris I despise
Hatred linked to the inability to cry

I occasionally forget to resist death
Perhaps for the best
Yes, a world without me, one less

It ends abruptly
Although no one can disrupt me
I regain my self
Discard the marred memory to the solitary shelf
Until next time
The emaciated ending of the subhuman sublime

I guess I am a loner
Heading down a stray path
To try and find the greener grass
No happiness ever lasts
So I try to live in the past
I want to experience love
And feel my soul fly so high above
I wait for that feeling to come
But it never does

So I go through my day
Emptiness filling the way
Will this feeling ever dissipate
I have nothing to hope for so I just wait
For an imaginary savior called fate

I'm bored of this world