Depression

I was certain that I found my calling
It turned out to be a cruel prank
A trick so cold and appalling
My psyche was holed and sank
Forced to fold into an endless void
Reality on hold, a life toyed
Desperate and destroyed

I need somewhere to belong
Death won't take long
Heaven denied my application
My message was lost in translation
I am too evil even though I am God's creation
So I gave up on the false god and turned to Satan
Even Hell won't take me
Even the devil forsake me
I would rip him apart
Hang his entrails as a piece of art
For now I will roam
Home to home
Showing everyone
How my world is run

All through my life
Longing for a healing light
For someone to confide
For somewhere to reside
It seems those are hard to find
So I drift through the night
Not a kindred soul in sight
I turn to myself for an answer
Perhaps I caused my life's cancer
For now I stay in the shadow
The lonely man's manifesto
Who knows where I might go
I used to just follow the flow
But it led to an ocean of emptiness
So now I fight my way back upstream
Searching for a way out of this tempest
Wishing reality was just a fleeting dream
Wishing this world wasn't obscenely mean
Time to keep moving
I don't want to be seen

Love is something
I thought I was above
I felt I was tough
I suppose not enough
I feel I am missing
Part of my being
A feeling you can't explain
No joy and no pain
Is more painful
Than everything ever
If I can't feel love
Will I ever know life
Should I end it now
To know paradise

Life

Worrying about life
Seems like such a bore
Who cares if they avoid light
I am not tasked with that chore
Time is a fickle thing
Always ticking and ticking
A valuable commodity
If it exists at all
Pointless philosophical debate
Never seems to dissipate
Let others find their own light
As I found mine
Perhaps a shadow is not a shadow
Instead it is the son of the night
Who is to say which has more might
Maybe this realization does not occur
For all the fright it may incur
A subjective world
A beautiful mural
Independent thought
A forever changing plot
A beautiful randomness
A gentle touch
Nothing amiss
Life is such

Never thought it would come to this
Never thought I would be one to miss
Perhaps I am human after all
Not just an impervious wall
I am unsure of what to pursue
The world feels so construed
After seeing the truth
The world seems so aloof
I halfheartedly believe
I am without reprieve
Strong urge to leave
Was never one to reconcile
Forced to face my trial

Meaning

My psyche an addict
A mind of tragic
Unnameable emotion
Lack of commotion
The searing cold burns
An unfortunate turn
Leaving me outside
A dangerous ride
I must confide